that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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