dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
