i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
