i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
