where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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