i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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