so let's talk penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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