It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
