we have pet lesbian snakes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
