walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
