i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
