dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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