i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
love makes seman taste better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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