Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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