U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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