nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
