my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
