so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
