Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
