It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
