He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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