My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We need to get me chipped asap
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
