Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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