We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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