I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
