I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
