You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
40s are totally the cure
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
