Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
