i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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