I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
