last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
