I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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