wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
