So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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