where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
