I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Houston, we have a squirter
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
