Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
