Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
