i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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