if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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