Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
