Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
