My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
where are my eyebrows?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
