You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
