and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
