ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
