So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
