No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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