How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
