You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
