Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize