But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
