Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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