I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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