It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
