I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
