Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
