yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
