she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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