i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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