nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
