If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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