Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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