For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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