You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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