Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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