Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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