I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
