What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
