If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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