I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
