we have pet lesbian snakes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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