Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
