Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
