I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
