time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
